Whenever I figure out who the stupid son of a b**** is that stocks the grated Parmesan cheese, he better wear a football helmet to work to protect him from the sock full of ball bearings I have waiting for his dumb a**.
I'm constantly punished with a veritable Easter egg hunt every time I need this sh*t because I don't buy that fancy "shredded" Parmesan cheese (usually found in the cheese section, which makes perfect organizational sense). Apparently, grocery stores across the land call on Stevie Wonder to stock the grated Parmesan cheese. I can see them now...blindfolding Stevie (just to be on the safe side), spinning him around and then cutting him loose. "Greeting card section, beverage aisle, automotive needs...hell Stevie, we don't care where you put the sh*t, we just want to piss off every dude that comes in here looking for it."
Grated Parmesan cheese is never in the pasta section. Nor is it ever in the cheese section. Why? I have no motherf****** idea! My guess is the security staff enjoy kicking back in front of their CCTV watching guys like me slowly become irate as they wander aimlessly around the store looking for any aisle comprised of cylindrically packaged products.
The beauty of stocking grated Parmesan cheese is that, thanks to the Chernobyl-like quatities of potassium sorbate they put in the stuff, you don't even need to refrigerate it while it's sitting on the shelf. So, why in God's name don't they put it near the pasta the way they do with pasta sauce?! Damn!
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even though it has cheese in the name. it's not technically cheese. it's what we in the food stocking industry call a tweener. which means i can put it wherever the hell i want. including where the sun don't shine. if you catch my drift.
ReplyDelete- STOCKBOY
Clever.
ReplyDeletemaybe that's a clue to start buying ACTUAL cheese :)
ReplyDeleteWhat grocery store do you shop at? I always find it in the pasta aisle and sometimes I find it in both the pasta aisle AND the dairy section. Just in case people with really bad memories like mine forget to buy it, we can find it in 2 places. Maybe it's more the manager of the store you shop at. You wouldn't, perhaps, be shopping in Decatur, would you?
ReplyDeleteYou said "BALL BEARINGS" hahahahahahahahahah ha.
ReplyDeleteIn Publix, it's next to the olive oil..I guess you think "Italian"
ReplyDelete