You will find nothing more annoying on American roads that those moving roadblocks otherwise known as Recreational Vehicles. They're the Shaquille O'Neals of the motor vehicle world; they're super-expensive, resource guzzling lane obstructions. The only difference is Shaq, at least when he's not taking shots from the foul line, gives off the impression that he knows what he's doing. Not RV drivers. F*** no! Most of these dipsh*ts went to the Ray Charles Driving School where they specialized in: driving
below the speed limit, riding the left lane and creating the general impression that they have absolutely no motherf***ing clue where they're going through a series of uncontrolled weaves, unexpected braking and a failure to signal.
And, if all that sh*t combined isn't a big enough pain in the a**, one need only look at the names these things are given to take frustration to a whole new level. They're always pretentious-as-f*** names that "stand" for something tough, resilient and expeditionary like "Adventurer" or "Sunova." Hey, RV owner, how 'bout "Sh*twagon" or, perhaps, "Roadturd?" Those are
way more descriptive of the actual product.
Personally, I can't think of anything that emotes qualities like toughness and resiliency
less than an RV, but then again, I'm not a retiree whose sole purpose in life is to f*** every other driver on the road.
Anyone out there know how to affix a battering ram to the front of a Honda?
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I don't mind the RVs as much as I do the a**holes that drive them. The only real difference between them and semi-trucks is that semi-trucks are generally travelling at roughly half the speed of sound have some guy driving them cranked up on meth and ephedrine and trying to piss in a Dixie cup while not flying off the road in order to shave off 20 minutes of his drive time. Then again, maybe they really are different. After all, RVs generally don't have tires that might throw their treads at your windshield!
ReplyDeleteOh, I can probably help with that battering ram thing, too! We could just beef up your front suspension to hold the weight, beef up the frame a little bit to absorb shock, weld the ram to the frame, install a nitrous kit to the engine and you're pretty much done. We could even make an air-powered grappling hook/tow cable by running an air compressor off of your engine. I think I'd come in handy in case a "Road Warrior"-like scenario came about :-)
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