Sleeping on planes is tough enough with all the variables impeding any actual sleep: tight seating, that nasty recylced air, no more blankets to use as pillows, the knowledge that, at any second, you could f***ing die...Nothing, however, will prevent you from getting shut-eye on a plane more than some annoying-as-sh*t toddler that's sitting anywhere within 5 rows!They might make a ton of noise. They might stink. They might throw tantrums. Or, in the case of the last flight I was on, they might kick on the back of your seat like it's a motherf***ing trampoline. Every 5 seconds, BOOM! And what was mom doing the whole time? Other than having her thumb up her a**, she retained complete oblivion while talking to grandma and reading her Oprah magazine. Oh, occasionally, I'd move and glance back after which "Junior" would get a warning about kicking my seat that was straight outta the UN Resolution Playbook, but, she never dropped the hammer. They never drop the hammer. The gymnastics training would start all over again as soon as she buried her nose back in her magazine.
Attention parents and toddlers the world over, The Gripe Guy is going preemptive. That's right, b****ez, it's Bush Doctrine all the way. I'm gonna take a sock of chicken beaks and just start knocking you both the f*** out before we take off. That way, we can all rest easy.
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Some of this comes from the government telling parents that it's not okay to spank their kids. Fortunately for me and who knows how many other people, I ignored that rule and spanked my kid when it was needed. Nothing like a healthy dose of fear once in a while to keep that discipline going.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I miss out on the aforementioned spanking...I have no idea why, but I guess we all lead lives of quiet desperation.
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