There's nothing "classic" about AMC anymore...

If there's one thing that perturbs me to no end, its false advertising. There's a lot of that these days on cable TV, especially in the way channel names never seem to quite match up to their daily fare. Take the American Movie Classics channel (AMC), for example. AMC is unparalleled when it comes to missing the whole "names-help-for-classification-purposes" premise of, well, names.

For starters, it's got the word "movie" in its name, yet, for some inexplicable reason, they now show shows too. And these shows have nothing to do with movies like, say, Inside the Actors Studio. That I could understand. Nope, they're actual shows with plots and stuff. Now, maybe these shows are great. I wouldn't f***ing know though, cuz I tune into AMC to watch motherf***ing movies, not shows. And speaking of tuning into watch movies...

AMC used to be a dependable repository for great films like and Giant and Chinatown, and older fare that actually depended on writing and acting rather than one-liners and dudes with demolitions expertise. Any time I wanted to flip the remote to some quality entertainment, I could consistently depend on AMC for a late night screening of the original Planet of the Apes or The Manchurian Candidate (note that both of these originals were drive-by victims of sub-par remakes...Why? Cuz they're classic films). These days, however, AMC's standard fare includes such "classics" as, ahem, Commando, Iron Eagle and Die Hard 2.

Now, understand, I have no problem with these movies or others like them. I like movies that require as little thought as possible as much as the next guy. Hell, my wife will tell you that if Roadhouse comes on, my a** is parked in front of the television for the long haul cuz there's nothing better than watching Dalton kick some a** all over the Double Deuce. I also understand that you can't show "classics" all the time, but the ratio of "classic" films to absolute f***ing dogs is way out of whack on something named American Movie Classics.

Death Wish 3! Really?! U.S. Marshals?! C'mon! Striking Distance! Good God, man, have you gone insane? If highlighting classic American movies is your channel's mission, then you should be avoiding garbage like Passenger 57 at all costs!

You're missing the point, AMC, it's not about the body count in Missing In Action 2, it's about getting your name right. You might try GCFAWAWTWSASOTMS: The Garbage Cinema for Americans Who Also Want to Watch Shows About Stuff Other Than Movies Sometimes Channel.

And, TLC, you're next cuz I ain't "learning" jack sh*t on your f***ing channel...